I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
