you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
