he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
