I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
