I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
