everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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