i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
