Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
