Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
