Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
