Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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