I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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