i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
