Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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