You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
