Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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