bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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