drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
