i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
