we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
and she was petting her beer can
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
