Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
