she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my sisters under your porch take her home
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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