i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
