My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
