I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
