Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
