My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
