I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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