I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Randomize
