wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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