Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize