roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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