textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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