do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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