I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
