God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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