Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Drunk is not a location!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
