I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
