Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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