I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
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