its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
