And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
