What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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