A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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