Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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