Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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