Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
