I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
