grandma shit on top of the toilet
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
