Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
