i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
