Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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