Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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