matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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