wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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