I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
high people should be assigned attendants
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
