There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
