Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
