I don't usually arrange sex via text message
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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