hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
