I want to have your abortion
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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