She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize