I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
