Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
True college students do jello shots in the library
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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