never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
