i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
