So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
