I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
