I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
