$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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