im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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