she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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