it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
