I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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