he was CRYING into my vagina
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize