ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
