One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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