Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
