You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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