Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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