Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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